Don't be a blob. No one (especially me) likes a tasteless blob.

I hope to retain my Individual Kelsey integrity. By that, I mean never wanted to be that girl who did/liked/embraced something because her boyfriend. I think there should be a healthy balance.

I am a football fan whose passion for it was cultivated even more by my ex-boyfriend. If I wanted his time and attention on fall weekends (which was all the time we had), I either could throw a temper tantrum or I could embrace it.  I embraced it. It helped that we were Bears fans.
Thats one instance where it helped that I embrace a boyfriend-thing.

One thing I would not develop a love for was three weekends-in-a-row Dark Knight viewings.
It was not that good. Yeah. I said it.

There comes a time where you have to throw your hands up in mock disdain, look them square in the eye and say "I do not care. I'm going shopping!" or whatever activity he refuses to do with you because hes a douche bag.

I see more and more girls losing their identity and morphing into this blob they think their boyfriends would like. Its a big fake fake front and if you can't be yourself at the beginning, he's going to be in for a big surprise when he learns you lied about not really liking him singing horrific caterwaulings love lullabies to you everynight. I'm going to guess his feelings will even be hurt a little bit.

Might as well hurt them at the beginning when its still new and he knows to shut up after that first time of singing.

Hair today

Gone tomorrow.

No not really, I'm getting attached to my hair.
I originally grew it out because I thought I was going to get married and refused to be married in short hair, but yeah....that didn't happen.

And now I'm stuck with this mane of long hair.

If you ever want to know my state of mind, look at my hair.
I had a mini breakdown no one but my ex knew about last year.
Result-bangs.

My first break up-chopped and dyed red.

I'm just trying to figure out what to do with it now.....but its so long and pretty....so I guess I'll have to find another way to release my inner turmoil (I'm being emo).

I get another piercing? Yes....!

Fake fake plastic fantastic

When is too much just too much?
I'm doing things that are going against my nature. Because I'm too nice? A push over?

If there is one thing that people close to me should grasp is that the harder you try to pull me in close, the harder I'll push away.

But in this instance maybe I've finally encountered the instance that I'll end up doing all the things I said I would never do. Like stay?
What a scary thought.
I hope I'll still like myself at the end.

......jerk.

I just called my sister and my sweet niece answered.

Asking if I wanted to speak to her mom I replied with a "Sure, why not?".

And if I'm not mistaken, I thought I could hear.....

"What? Whose on the phone? Tell them I'm not here."

My sister has morphed into our mother. And shes taken it a step further by banning family members. Hmp.
Of course I could have it wrong, but I like my version of the story better. Plus it wasn't true, why do I have yet to receive a call back?

I win! Yes!

If only people would say what it really was....

Sometimes I curse the gods for my being cloistered in a homeschooled/onlygotochurch environment all my life!

Plainly put, I'm not sure how this relationship stuff works.
From what I understand if a guy is calling all the time, you pretty much live with him, etc, blah, it doesn't reeeeeallly mean that you're that individuals girlfriend, you could just be an upgraded boo-taaay call.
Or so I semi-thought.....er....I guess that's not quite right.
I'm the type of person that needs things spelled out in black and white. I don't care for titles but I would like some clarification on what we're doing.

What guys don't realize (or rather one guy, to be exact, no names *coughnatecough*) is that I am an extremely rational individual, independent if you will.
I'm not the type to act like I'm someones girlfriend if I'm not quite sure if I am.
My sense of pride is abundant and to think of myself thinking I was someones girlfriend when I wasn't is not high on my list of things to experience.
To play it safe, I'll not be on the market but I'm not going to completely close off my options because for all I know, the other person is also keeping their options open. See? Make sense?

So a tip from your Aunt Kelsey, guys....if you like a girl, consider her your "girlfriend"-effin' tell her for goodness sake!
Because if she's making plans to go to Chicago, she's spending the night at her own home when she was at your house every night, she's out and about with random new friends, it's because she's thinking she's 75% single! But none of this is from personal experience.

Drunk

I havre an argan monkey in. my shorts.

Insert big smile --->____<---

I sooo love it when things are going smashingly.

Could I have it all wrong? Could it be.....me?

After a series of "discussions" with Nate (lover boy) over various events that have transpired in the past week or so, I thought that everything was taken care of, etc, blah blah blah.

Lucky for me, I casually mentioned some details of everything to my best friend/baby mama Maria and with her creeper boyfriend Austin (love you Austin) in the background I have learned a thing or two.

A. If you hang with a guy, stay with said guy, pretty much with live with same guy.....you're dating. Ok, check.

B. This means, like, boyfriend/girlfriend. Uh, ok. Yup, check.

C. If you talk to ex-boyfriend, that will not go over well, no need for it, dont do it. Just do not do it. Trust me.
Because according to Maria "Its fucking retarded, why would you do that?! I'd be mad as hell at you too!" Ok. I will say it-I was wrooong....aheeem....eh....

D. Likewise, if you meet a new guy friend whom you have no attraction to and nothing will happen, I guess.....it doesn't look that way at all.  Going out of town to go swimming at a lake and going out to eat its a no-no. Big no,no. Trust me. Please.

E. When in a relationship (because I'm in one of those, ya know), always.let the other one know when your going to do stuff....and by stuff, like when you're going to Chicago for a long weekend with friends to party yourself into oblivion. Like put in vacation time and its approved....and your pretty much set to go....

Also I was told that I blame Nate for everything. After a few blustery "I-do-nots!", I say back in silence for a few moments and realized that maybe, just maaaaaaybe....I do.

After having the best friend and her lovely boyfriend shove a piece of humble pie down my throat, I have seen the error of (some) of my ways, so maybe this road will be a little less rocky.....speaking of rocky, I really would like some ice cream.

Like really bad.....going to go search for ice cream.

Dad

Currently blogging with one hand since my dad is insisting I massage his wrists. He tried to get me to do his feet (I've got nice feet! A sexy toe!) But I draw the line at feet.

Asian fathers are so funny.

Meanwhile here's a picture of him with his cat.

I'll embellish more on Asian fathers when I get my other hand back.

I Could've Done Without That, Thank You

Laying here in the couch with ze lover and I was telling him about this story I was reading a few days ago.

It was a disgusting story and one paragraph completely had me curling up my lip in disgust.

Anyway, he was convinced that the writer was joking but after reading him the preface (authors note?), we were side tracked by the word "scat".

"I dont know what 'scat' is"

"Get on your phone and google it right now"

Typing it in, I remarked how knowledgable he was and secretly thinking that was hot.

"When it comes to sexual stuff, I am"

So as I'm scrolling through the search results, thinking what a smart guy he is,  I see a link leading to Urban Dictionary with a definition of "scat".
I read it. My eyes widen in horror.
I quickly put my phone down and  bury my face in the covers, trying to dispel the images that are playing through my head right now.

What....the.....fu-beeeeeep.
end of blog.

Whirlwind Around Me

Standing in the part time lover's kitchen trying to decide if I feel slightly unwelcomed by his roommate/best friend. L is still at work and asked me to come over.

After a sudden and intense urge to consume a huge plate of fried cauliflower and expressing this to L, he just said to buy the ingredients, go to his house and make it there.
Well, I got through steps A and B, until I learned the BFF was going to cook tonight....and didn't look too enthused to see me here, although to be fair he kind of always looks that way (non-enthused).
He just kind if rushed around me, not saying anything.
So now I'm standing here blogging like an asshole and NOT with any fried cauliflower in front of me, and by the looks of it, anytime soon. Doom: (

In other news, I think I'm getting a head cold. How do I think this? My stuffy nose is clogging up my ears making me believe that my "sick" voice is sounding sexy. So if I'm talking more than usual, you know why.

Lets see how this night goes....do I sit on the couch?....in the dark?....nonchalantly waiting for L to show up?

Maybe I should keep blogging, looking as if I'm doing something really important.
Laugh at a fake joke/text?
Oh god, I am so lame right now. Someone shoot me.

I'm not always that easy!

After an early wake up call from my part time undercover lover, I'm thoroughly convinced he was, if not drunk, at least buzzed.

"Kelsey....come over"

No

"I'll make you nooodles and eggs....!"

Pause.  Damn, he knows to bribe me with food.  Quickly come to senses when I think of getting ready for work two hours early.

Nope!

"Ok, I'll see you in five minutes" Click.

Boys, sheesh. 

Someone should put a plastic bag over my head...

....because I am absolutely no fun to be around these days.

My summer has had it's ups and down but it seems as if the last few weeks have been the most emotionally exhausting weeks I've had in years. I'm just at that stage where I have no energy to care anymore.

So with those feelings taken into consideration I've come to the conclusion that I should really not care about anything anymore except for me. Selfish, yes, this was screamed at me via text message, so let me make that even more true and with me saying it out loud and online, head's up- I AM SELFISH.

I have no idea who is reading this since the only two people I've given this new address to is my sister and friend Ep, but I'm usually pretty happy person and in general a non-selfish person. Really.
So let a girl have her bad days and room to dig herself out of this hole of misery she's currently wallowing in.....*huge winning smile!

June Gloom a month later.....

It's always in July that I feel uplifted and productive.
THIS July however....has not been condusive to putting all the pent up energy into something fun and summery-like, and in turn has been put into me pulling my hair out in frustration.

So as I sit here with a few hours before work, a cup of coffee, and wonder where my life is going, I'm going to not cry as I think that my vacation doesn't start until sometime next month.