Off the grid

Only four months until I decide where my next adventure starts.

Tonight I took myself off the grid. As a healing process and a way to focus on myself, I deactivated Twitter and Facebook. I finally got rid of Google+ but thats because I was too lazy to figure out how to delete it when I first tried it out last year.

Having gotten that taken care of, I started contemplating not having a cellphone for a year.
A few years ago I was without a cell for about two months and I actually really enjoyed it. I knew who really wanted to get ahold of me because they found ways to contact without me. I liked not being tied to it.

I'll activate my Twitter account here eventually, but besides that and this blog, I should be unreachable social network wise and I like it.

Pits of Despair

My dad and step-mama are moving to the very far away state of Washington in about three weeks. Where has the time gone?!

Also my friend Stephanie is moving tomorrow and suddenly everything is hitting-my dad is leeeeeaving me!!!!!

To prepare I put in for some time off to wallow and downloaded "All By Myself" as my anthem for the week. I shall sing as I sit in my pod chair and take shots by myself. For I shall, truly, be....all by myself.

I'm being blatantly theatrical but I'm sure I'm going to be a blubbering mess in my dark wee baby apartment without the door.

Henny spoke for me and screwed me over

As if my day couldn't get off to a better start, let me say that alcohol is from the devil and will get you into a lot of trouble. There's a lot of fun involved also, but ultimately, trouble.

After a sleepless night and feeling blah in general, I get a series of text messages this morning from a friend where apparently I blabbed things she had told me in her relationship to a mutual guy friend who went and told her fiancé. What. The. Fuck.

Hold my hand? I'll make it sweaty

Following any break up is the inevitable question: "What do I do now?"

Most people gather around their support group and go out and drink away their problems.
I have a problem.
See, my immediate support group is 45 mins away and the whole whopping two people I hang out with outside of work is one who works a lot and is a boy and refuses to help me mourn since I do it at least once a week and the other is the sister of ex-boyfriend so I can't exactly hang with her and simply put-it's AWKWARD. As a result- hi! Hello! This is my long lost blog you're reading.

Now, the second part of my dilemma is that I moved to this small town a little four years ago with absolutely no intention of staying as long as I have. My only family here is moving to Washington state and I'm left wondering what my next steps are going to be. With my only ties to this town leaving, I have no desire to be stay. Why?

I still don't want to move back to my hometown, I would feel as if I regressed and started back where I left off.

While any break up is horrible, I feel the need to point out that mine is more horrible than the usual and it sucks.

My goal is to get out of here by the time my lease is up which means I have five months to get it figured out. I'm scared shitless.

Hirah, Hirah, and Hello

With this New Year I'm positive! Optimistic!.... What are more words I can use?

2012 is going to be a year of....blah blah blah. We're not going to do that spiel. But I really do feel those two words above.
This year IS actually off to an interesting start, a mix of good and bad, so hopefully the good will override the bad.

GOOD: Getting an apartment!

BAAAAAAD: Well....it's a long embarrassing story that we will skip.

Hence, I'm being optimistic and jovial about everything and going to try and not dwell on the negative.

I've turned into a little fat ass over the past few years and have started to be conscious of my eating and maybe try that exercise thing. I look horrible in every picture and have turned into that person that only wears black. It's not that fun, but at least I like black.....

Anyway, I mentioned the new apartment thing, no? YES! I'm finally a grown up, Mom! And now that I've finally taken that plunge (damn you Baptist and home-school heritage!) I'm wondering how in the world I didn't have my own place years earlier. I get to walk around naked! But remember that note before about me turning into a fat ass. (weep).

Don't be a blob. No one (especially me) likes a tasteless blob.

I hope to retain my Individual Kelsey integrity. By that, I mean never wanted to be that girl who did/liked/embraced something because her boyfriend. I think there should be a healthy balance.

I am a football fan whose passion for it was cultivated even more by my ex-boyfriend. If I wanted his time and attention on fall weekends (which was all the time we had), I either could throw a temper tantrum or I could embrace it.  I embraced it. It helped that we were Bears fans.
Thats one instance where it helped that I embrace a boyfriend-thing.

One thing I would not develop a love for was three weekends-in-a-row Dark Knight viewings.
It was not that good. Yeah. I said it.

There comes a time where you have to throw your hands up in mock disdain, look them square in the eye and say "I do not care. I'm going shopping!" or whatever activity he refuses to do with you because hes a douche bag.

I see more and more girls losing their identity and morphing into this blob they think their boyfriends would like. Its a big fake fake front and if you can't be yourself at the beginning, he's going to be in for a big surprise when he learns you lied about not really liking him singing horrific caterwaulings love lullabies to you everynight. I'm going to guess his feelings will even be hurt a little bit.

Might as well hurt them at the beginning when its still new and he knows to shut up after that first time of singing.

Hair today

Gone tomorrow.

No not really, I'm getting attached to my hair.
I originally grew it out because I thought I was going to get married and refused to be married in short hair, but yeah....that didn't happen.

And now I'm stuck with this mane of long hair.

If you ever want to know my state of mind, look at my hair.
I had a mini breakdown no one but my ex knew about last year.
Result-bangs.

My first break up-chopped and dyed red.

I'm just trying to figure out what to do with it now.....but its so long and pretty....so I guess I'll have to find another way to release my inner turmoil (I'm being emo).

I get another piercing? Yes....!