Good Friday to you and to me!

And to him!

Stupid me and Stupid you

A tribute to the girls who hold onto love with both hands while "Love" is texting other people and having them come over to hang out and watch movies while they lay in "Love's" lap.

A tribute to the girls whose doe eyed innocence fucks them over for not being smarter and in turn makes them seem naive and stupid to their friends and family.

Ignorance truly is bliss. But if I've learned anything is that I never knew how much I could love before and that gives me hope that I, and other girls, will find someone who loves just like we do.

Vroom?

Everyone wants to think that they are or could be everyone's "The One" if only anyone gave them the chance.

But what about when all the secrets come out, the habits, the flaws and the quirky things you only get a glimpse of after you've put in your dues, time, and effort?
I'm beginning to see the harsh reality that I'm not anyone's "The One" at this moment and maybe not in any place to be anytime soon if we're telling the truth here.
Maybe there's a few more years experience needed before I can be a good girlfriend, partner, and mate to someone who is going to need me to be there to be take up the reins when he's down, to be supportive and take care of US when he's not able to take care of me.
I'm ok with waiting for him and I'm slowly falling in love with him already. And if he never comes along, I've already learned to be alone, I just need to learn how to accept it, and that's slowly happening.

There's this joke and analogy that was on How I Met Your Mother, about a speeding woman and a police officer who pulls her over. Her retort to the officer when asked about speeding was something along the lines of " I got here as fast as I could, Officer!".
This relationship I'm in now might or might not last. As sad as it would be if it didn't, I would learn and grow and be a better person in any relationship I got involved in afterwards. Life's preparing me so that one day I'll be able to share my life and enhance someone else's. And if I've already arrived with the relationship I'm in, we've a few bumps in the road but it'll smooth out.

To my future partner, there's will be a few stops, a few detours, maybe a couple stays, but I'm on my way and I'm coming as fast as I can.

Off the grid

Only four months until I decide where my next adventure starts.

Tonight I took myself off the grid. As a healing process and a way to focus on myself, I deactivated Twitter and Facebook. I finally got rid of Google+ but thats because I was too lazy to figure out how to delete it when I first tried it out last year.

Having gotten that taken care of, I started contemplating not having a cellphone for a year.
A few years ago I was without a cell for about two months and I actually really enjoyed it. I knew who really wanted to get ahold of me because they found ways to contact without me. I liked not being tied to it.

I'll activate my Twitter account here eventually, but besides that and this blog, I should be unreachable social network wise and I like it.

Pits of Despair

My dad and step-mama are moving to the very far away state of Washington in about three weeks. Where has the time gone?!

Also my friend Stephanie is moving tomorrow and suddenly everything is hitting-my dad is leeeeeaving me!!!!!

To prepare I put in for some time off to wallow and downloaded "All By Myself" as my anthem for the week. I shall sing as I sit in my pod chair and take shots by myself. For I shall, truly, be....all by myself.

I'm being blatantly theatrical but I'm sure I'm going to be a blubbering mess in my dark wee baby apartment without the door.

Henny spoke for me and screwed me over

As if my day couldn't get off to a better start, let me say that alcohol is from the devil and will get you into a lot of trouble. There's a lot of fun involved also, but ultimately, trouble.

After a sleepless night and feeling blah in general, I get a series of text messages this morning from a friend where apparently I blabbed things she had told me in her relationship to a mutual guy friend who went and told her fiancé. What. The. Fuck.

Hold my hand? I'll make it sweaty

Following any break up is the inevitable question: "What do I do now?"

Most people gather around their support group and go out and drink away their problems.
I have a problem.
See, my immediate support group is 45 mins away and the whole whopping two people I hang out with outside of work is one who works a lot and is a boy and refuses to help me mourn since I do it at least once a week and the other is the sister of ex-boyfriend so I can't exactly hang with her and simply put-it's AWKWARD. As a result- hi! Hello! This is my long lost blog you're reading.

Now, the second part of my dilemma is that I moved to this small town a little four years ago with absolutely no intention of staying as long as I have. My only family here is moving to Washington state and I'm left wondering what my next steps are going to be. With my only ties to this town leaving, I have no desire to be stay. Why?

I still don't want to move back to my hometown, I would feel as if I regressed and started back where I left off.

While any break up is horrible, I feel the need to point out that mine is more horrible than the usual and it sucks.

My goal is to get out of here by the time my lease is up which means I have five months to get it figured out. I'm scared shitless.